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Modern Manners
These days the idea of etiquette, or any sort of guide to good manners, seems as outdated as vinyl records. While niche manners have enjoyed a semi-renaissance with guides to ‘Jetiquette’ (how to behave on planes), Datiquette (how to behave on dates) and Celliquette (how to behave whilst on a mobile phone) the notion of plain old etiquette is never mentioned.
Many parents spend a fortune on getting their children the ‘best’. We all want to give our kids the soundest start in life and to have as many options and choices as they can when they reach adulthood. Plenty of parents spend their weekends and afternoons ferrying offspring to football, ballet, music, drama, dance, Mandarin Chinese, and swimming. Then there’s the hours spent helping them do homework, making sure they eat their five a day (or trying to), taking them on educational days out and drilling into them the importance of brushing their teeth.
Obviously all of these things are important but sometimes basic manners are forgotten about. A kid with no manners grows into a rude adult and no matter how many qualifications they get, the person who knows how to smile, make eye contact and shake hands will always have the upper hand in both the job market and life. As the old cliché says manners cost nothing. It is so very very easy to say ‘please’ and ‘thank you’. It doesn’t take up much time, use up any energy or empty your wallet and it makes life so much more pleasant for everybody.
Like most mothers I am always delighted to hear people telling me that my seven year old son is good looking. (Every mother thinks her child/children are the most gorgeous ever born but we do like to have it confirmed by an independent adjudicator from time to time.) However much as I like hearing my child’s face praised I can’t really take any credit for his appearance. Yes, I know I contributed half of his DNA but genetics are so completely random that none of us really has any power over the way our offspring will look.
However we do have power over how they behave both now and in the future. The thing I like hearing the most from random strangers is that my child has nice manners because I know that I am responsible for that. Like charity, manners begin at home. Apart from reminding children to use ‘please’ ‘thank you’ and ‘you’re welcome’ as often as possible, parents are doing both themselves, their children, their children’s teachers and society in general a big favour by teaching their children to acknowledge others by simply saying ‘hello’.
You would be amazed at the number of children I encounter who are completely fazed by adults greeting them. And please don’t get me started on basic table manners. There is good reason why we don’t talk with our mouth full or chew with our mouth open. It’s disgusting, that’s why. I once left a swanky drinks reception, at an Embassy no less, with small pieces of masticated sausage splattered in my hair because a grown man had obviously never been told not to speak with a mouth full of food.
Drilling our children to say ‘please’ and ‘thank you’ and ‘hello’ isn’t enough. As parents we are all great at instructing our children to behave in certain ways whilst cheerfully doing the opposite. We’re always at the small people in our homes about how important it is to always tell the truth whilst they see us blatantly lying to other people – the cheque is in the post, I didn’t get the message, you look fantastic in that dress.
So when you are in the company of your children remember to hold open the door for other people and to thank those who open the door for you. Put your cell phone away at mealtimes (the only excuse for having a cell phone on the table during a meal is an expected birth or death). If you do have to take an urgent call, get up and move away from the table. We all know that no matter how much we preach to our children that they are more likely to do what we do and not what we say. And with that, let me just say, thank you for reading this article. By Anne Marie Scanlon for Primary Times.